passion in the modern age
an e-novel
Introduction: STOP STALKING YOUR EX GIRLFREIND
I said it, Ex. You fucked it up, you fucked around. so please, I ask this politely with the utmost sincerity, fuck off. If you loved her you wouldn't of pulled all this shit on her. All you love is yourself and your own interests. Do your blonde or whoever was (is) on the side; but step off her. I ask this kindly as one gentleman to you. She is a beautiful soul and that you would continuously trample, calling at 2AM to ramble about what a loser you are, only shows you lack dignity and self respect. She deserves better then you, and you have proved this through your actions. I write this of my own accord, as someone who cares for her and is tired of hearing your name. If you have problems, go see a counselor. Do not place the weight of your emotional waste on her shoulders. It is unfair and disgusting. Again I hope this doesn't fall on deaf ears, if there is a next time, this will be much louder.
..................Exhibitionist Affair........................
On 30-Jul-06, at 7:10 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Hey you, whoever you may be,
I'm bored on a saturday night and I find myself looking at
personals on
craigslist, diverting from my apartment hunt, when I came
across
your post and
thought to myself, "What if? Why not?" and thus this letter
comes
to pass. I
met all your criteria, and you met some of mine, not to say
not
all, I'm not
uber critical, but I do enjoy normal people. About me, I'm
22, a
waiter, poet,
model, slacker. I smoke, so I guess you have stopped reading
this
letter and I
am free to fill the rest of this message with the names of
things I
like.
Coffee, Candles, Hemingway, Buffalo '66, Walking, spring in
bloom,
fall when
it's crisp, rock and roll, singing under or above my breath,
bacon.
I dislike
idiots(when the stupidity isn't on purpose and is destructful
(ie.
Bush)). The
jury is still out on vegetarians, but I prefer omnivores.
Whatever,, here’s a
picture, maybe we could grab dinner some night. I am not
looking
for a lover,
but as best said by Ezra Pound, "It rests me to converse with
beautiful women
even though we talk nothing but nonsense"(Tame Cat). I am a
Dog
person, had a
cat, we didn't get along.
Respond a. yes or b. no,
Ike Theodorus Jefferson
----------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette
:
There was no picture with the "here's a picture" part. As for
model... I don't know. I hope that wasn't an attempt to
impress me,
but you seem nice enough to not to something as tacky as that.
And,
smoke away, just don't blow it in my face or smoke in my
apartment,
if you ever are invited over. Too early to tell. And always
carry
gum. Too early to tell that too. ; )
So, I would go on and write about myself. I'm a young,
confident,
easygoing happy female. I'm not looking for something serious,
we can
have dinner or drinks and see how it goes, we should do the
picture
exchange to make sure we are attracted to each other though.
Who
knows, maybe I'm not your cup of tea.
Hemmingway, which works of his have you studied? My double
major is
in literature studies, so I did some of his work. I was
actually at
the bookstore and picked up a ton of stuff today, I love
having a
good book and a martini.
If you have a myspace that would work, I only have two pictures
of me
up on mine right now, and they aren't the greatest. But they're
recent, were taken last week, so take a look. That, and I won't
have
to go and explain random things about me. That's a drag. ha ha
The URL is www.myspace.com/red_rose
Talk to you soon, good luck with the apartment hunt, it took
me a
month to pick the one I am in right now, in the Annex neat
Bathurst
subway station actually.
Annie
---------------------------------------
On 31-Jul-06, at 9:15 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Annie,
You called me on it, so I guess I better fess up. I am not an
established
Model, I got drafted into an agency of the street and haven't
made
a cent off
it yet. I have one picture at www.myspace.com/no_space_left. I
have
read
almost all of Hemingways novels and short stories. My favorite
is A
Farewell
to Arms, I find he writes romance so beautifully it is almost
absurdist. We
probably pass each other in the street, I live at Bathurst and
Barton (for the
next month) and work at Insomnia on the day shift. Check out the
picture, It
isn't me, just a photo (my hair is much messier). Your pretty
cute.
I gotta
get ready for work so I have to cut short.
Drop a line, or drop in,
Ike
-------------------------------
CCQuoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Insomnia... Insomnia.... That sounds so familiar. Anyways, the
only
reason I said that is because I think most people get a shot at
modeling at some point or another. I did it a few years back, and
actually made some pretty good money, but my dignity was worth
more.
And the makeup irritated my skin.
Anyways, I'm jealous. I've been doing the job search thing for
weeks
now, with no luck. It's getting pretty boring, I should do
another
resume day on wednesday. Do you have any suggestions?
I have to cut it short, for different reasons... my kitten is
jumping
on the keyboard and this is taking a loooong time to write...
ha ha
Mary-Anne
ps-glad your hair is messier. You look so proper and
upstanding in
that photo.
--------------------------------
On 1-Aug-06, at 12:13 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I have good news and bad news. Good news is Insomnia is looking
for
a new
bartender, and I could take your resume and see that it reaches
the
right
eyes. Make sure it is one page, concise, and shows all your
experience
serving. Bad news, no promises.
Apartment search continues, know any nice one bedroom or bachelors
in the
neighborhood? Nice as in "affordable is nice".
I didn't know modeling was so common, where I come from, Auburn
Ontario, CA
(http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?
formtype=address&addtohistory=&address=141%20Goderich%
20Street&city=Auburn&sta
te=ON&zipcode=N0M&country=CA&geodiff=1)
I never met a model, we had tractor pulls and demolition
derbies. I
couldn't
pull tractors very well, and was much too cautious a driver.
Perhaps Wednesday night we could go to the labyrinth lounge for the
martini
night, $5cover $3-$5 martini's or perhaps a bite at the victory
cafe Tuesday
evening. The annex is a fun place.
647-866-2368, your number gets mine,
Ike
------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
That's not really bad news. That's actually pretty cool of you
to do
seeing how you don't know me very much. I actually think I know
that
place, it's near bathurst and bloor, right? I live literally two
minutes away if that's the place I'm thinking of. Very cool, I
meant
to apply there anyways. So, I attached my resume. Thanks for the
heads up! :)
I know there are a few places on bathurst a bit past harbord for
rent, check them out. I love this area, my place is a one bedroom,
high ceilings, pretty nice, $800 a month. It still needs a bit of
work though. I don't know if that's inexpensive, I think it's a bit
on the expensive side, but it was the best place I could find.
I'm from Sudbury Ontario... pretty small too. Not too small but
small
enough where I made great friends, worked at amazing places...
it was
just so friendly. I did not ride a tractor though, I don't think
I'm
cut out for farm life. Mind you homemade farm food is yummy.
Let me know, I'm actually free this evening, and tuesday. I
promised
I'd see a a movie with my friend, so whatever day you pick I'll
go to
the film with her the other day. And I like food, food is good. Ha
ha. Girls must hate me, I eat pretty badly sometimes but I just
don't... I don't know. You'll see when you hang out with me I
guess,
but I should try my best to be all cute and ladylike.
My # is 416 666-4355
Mary-Anne
-----------------------------------------
On 2-Aug-06, at 7:18 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Mary
Well, to say the least, you impressed me. I didn't know what to
expect, and I
wasn't let down. You are an attractive, easy going, intelligent
lady.
Beautiful. I really enjoyed last night and hope that maybe this
weekend some
night, if you would like to, we could check out Caribanna, or go
play pool,
Sunday night is Rock night at Ciao Edies on College. Perhaps you
have better
ideas or other plans, let me know.
I'm gonna go watch the Maple Leafs(blue jay farm team) play at
christie pits
tonight, not a ball fan, but it is a good opportunity to relax.
Have a good night, hopefully your kitten will let you sleep.
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Yeah, I actually really had a fun time. I was paranoid with the whole
craigslist thing, I was scared of meeting some icky creep-o with
torsos in his freezer... the stereotypical male who haunts many
singles forums and message boards. I'm not even 100% sure about the
torso thing yet, maybe you prefer to just collect fingers, more
manageable... more discreet...
Anyhow, thanks, compliments make me blush. And thanks for not getting
all wierded out when my ex called. He does that, and must be
discouraged. Maybe one day when I'm drunk I'll tell you why he has no
chance with me now... but what's the point of blah blah drama? Just
do NOT be a drama queen. Ever. Sane, confident, stable girls hate it.
Sure, this weekend sounds good. Let me know and we can figure
something out together, Carribana sounds neat, I've never been. I'm a
terrible pool player and I cheat by the way... but it's fun too.
Oh, and FYI I was exhausted at class this morning and needed an extra
two expresso shots in my frappe, but it was very worth it.
Mary-Anne
-By the way, you need a web-cam or something. That picture on your
myspace is nice but it looks nothing like you. You're much better
looking. :)
-------------------------------------------
On 3-Aug-06, at 9:17 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Hey Mary,
Hope the interview went well, sorry for getting Tom Petty stuck in
your head,
it could of been worse... The Limbo Song is hidden somewhere in my
Ipod.
While you were there today one fellow asked me where a good place
to buy
furniture in Toronto. I told him IKEA, and how to get there, I hope
he wasn't
offended.
To allay your fears over possible drama queening, I am not a fan
myself. I
tend to be pretty down to earth in situations. I prefer handling
situations
rationally, being honest to both the situation and my limitations.
As for the
torso in my freezer, doesn't everyone have a torso in the freezer.
As for pool, I'm not good either, thank god for the horse shoe I
keep hidden
in my own torso.
It came to my attention that we will be complete sore thumbs at
Caribana, with
the hip hop and all, but If you want we can meet at Bathurst
station around 7
on Saturday, take the trolley down to union, check the fest out. If
it isn't
cool, SummerWorks is on. I checked it out and there are a few shows
that
evening that may prove credible. One is a comedy called Go forth
and Multiply
at 9:30 (http://www.summerworks.ca/play_2006_-
_go%20forth%20and%20multiply.php)
and another, a Stalinist Russia love story called The Russian Story
at 11
(http://www.summerworks.ca/play_2006_-_the%20russian%20play.php).
Or, perhaps you already have plans. We'll figure something out.
Ike
---------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
It's okay, there are way worse things to get stuck in your head than
Tom Petty. I mean, come on, space cowboy is always great. I'm a big
fan of the Pina Colada song myself, but shh, don't tell. So, that was
officially the worst interview ever. It felt like such a waste of
time on my end, the guy manager or whoever was not at all interested
in asking me any questions, spent a whole of two minutes with me,
which was rude considering how long he spent with the others. I was
tempted to just say thanks, and take off three minutes into meeting
him. But hey, first impressions can be wrong. Either way, thanks for
the heads up. I have a few more interviews this week with people who
are actually interested in hiring and or talking to me, so it's all
good. :)
As for furniture, there are great places on King West, depending on
how much you want to spend. Me being a student and all... but still
liking stylish-looking stuff... Ikea is a pretty safe bet. Oooo or
Idomo! That guy in the commercials has a crazy ZZ top beard.
I prefer to keep other things in my freezer... like food. A Torso
wouldn't even fit... unless it was a baby torso... or a midget torso
but that's even pushing it.
So far as Saturday is concerned I'm pretty flexible. I mean it's
toronto, I'm sure we'll find a million things to do. I still have two
free passes to the Art Gallery for the Andy Warhol exhibit that
expire the sixth... mmm... soon? Tomorrow? Sunday? What else... this
Distillery is always cool, Balzac's coffee house and amazing art
galleries there to walk in and out of... I think there's a Chinese
lantern festival going on now at the Ex... Pool places up Bloor at
the Hoseshoe on Queen... Carribana... up to you really.
Well, I better go get more cat food and things of that nature. This
thing looks anorexic I need to fatten in up. Really, you can feel
bones and ribs whenever you pick it up.... it's creepy.
Let me know what you want to do tomorrow.
Mary-Anne
-----------------------------------------------
On 4-Aug-06, at 9:54 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
[Hide Quoted Text]
Mary-Anne
Insomnia...meh,, I never had a interview there so I don't know what it's like,
besides I work there, I didn't go on craigslist to meet someone I work with,
what was I thinking. Hope you had good luck at other places, not that you need
it. And on to something else...
Scored my apartment, accepted and official today I am the Grand prize winner
of a beautiful, basement, bachelor, apartment lease for one year. This
furnished suite comes with great amenities such as a microwave and bar
fridge, a sofa bed and a panoramic river view. 175 square feet to call my own.
Don't move in till the end of the month, but now I am certain I have a place
to live at the end of the month.
Then I had a photo shoot with this dude named Steve Carty, got to go into a
rich man store on king, some fancy schmancy place... so I got to take their
overpriced, uncomfortable clothes, model them, and wait... will I ever make
money. I mean it is fun working for a guy who has shot tons of celebrities and
has wicked side projects www.stevecarty.com and wearing a green shirt like the
one in here http://stevecarty.com/cartyclients/Ike-web/ and knowing that it
costs the $230 I would never spend on a lime green shirt. but the photographer
was magnificent. check out 4406 and tell me it is not wonderful image
trickery, or rather agree with me...your choice.
I do work tomorrow till after 4, hope I won't be much longer then that, I'll
give you a ring when I'm done. If that is (see below) an invite to the Warhol
exhibit I will gladly accept. I searched the website, but I think the
questionnaire for free tickets ended, for there is no information pertaining to
it on the website. I will call you at 4:30 and we can figure things out.
Till tomorrow, good dreams and soft hangovers,
Ike
------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Sorry for keeping you up so late... I hope you're not too tired. I
just like the entire process of getting to know you, you're
interesting. And fun. (Among other things...)
If you would like to do anything next week... Yuk Yuk's is $2 for a
comedy show Tuesday and it's pretty good, and we can get coffee
before or after. Or I can get coffee, you can get hot
chocolate : ) I
think it starts at sevenish. Monday to friday I have classes at
8 am,
so I don't stay out too late... and, if you want this saturday,
well,
as of yet I don't have a prom date. And, if you were free and
wanted
to go with me, it would save me the hassle of going with someone
else... I think tickets are only $5. It's at Lee's Palace, quite
close to us. Let me know, I can pick us both up tickets.
I'm going to have one of my famously casual and private lunches by
myself right now.
Talk to you soon.
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
I got a very quiet and short message on my mahine... I'm pretty sure it was from you. :)
I'm home now... in case you do call again although it's late, and I want you to know I
have no other plans in the world tomorrow except you.
I'm glad I'm going with you... it's the best decision I've made in a long time.
And I promise to try to look my most beautiful.
xo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
Hmmmm will you get this before 4? Probably not. I should have replied last night but I
was tired... among other things. I went on that Pirate streetcar party, and then there
was a party/rave thing under the bridge near Fort York. Fun stuff. I had a plastic sword.
I hate one year leases, it's forced commitment. I have one too though... so I'm stuck.
Furnished? Saves you an Ikea trip I guess. Is in in this area, or no? I remember you
telling me about an apartment you saw before, was it the same one? I guess
congratulations are in order.
Those pictures are pretty nice. The green shirt is scary, but you manage to pull it off.
But my god... who would pay that much for it??? *shudder*
Oh, there was a point to this. Yeah, the AGO thing. I guess I should have clarified that
I have two free passes, one of which I plan to use, and one for an unspecified second
person to use. And you are invited to cordially be an unspecified second person if you'd
like.
I guess you'll call me sooner or later and we can figure out plans and that.
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------
On 6-Aug-06, at 5:55 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Thank God for coffee (with 2cream 8sugar). I was dead when I got
into work,
but it was completely worth it, I really enjoy your company and
style. I had a
beautiful dream last night, but I think I was awake.
Tuesday sounds like a good idea, two dollars to heckle is hard to
beat, and
hot chocolate before...mmm.... I better bring marshmallows. I have
Tuesday to
Thursday off this week so that should be no problem. As for the
prom, If you
will have me, it would be my honour to escort you. Would you like
to go out
for dinner before hand, I know a really sweet rooftop patio. We can
plan more
of that on Tuesday.
I'm going to nap
I'll call you tomorrow night to set Tuesday up.
Say hey to Wasabi and Mozart for me
Ike
---------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
8? That's a lot of sugar in a coffee... was it the caffeine of sugar
buzz that got you going? I'm so sorry I kept you up that late, how
selfish of me. Well, that's a lie. I'm not all that sorry. I got to
enjoy your company... and your goodbye, and afterwards I got to have
a nice, long, amazing sleep. Lucky, unemployed me!
With lines like that; "I had a beautiful dream last night, but I
think I was awake" combined with your charm and ability to speak
German, I think I'm in for trouble. I'll need to keep my eye on you,
Mystery? Lie?
Meeting people over the internet has such a negative stigma, I was
really mostly curious about how it all works. I did not expect to
meet someone as fun as you, I met mostly obnoxious people who were so
far from what I look for in a guy, it was horrible. You know... those
dates that never end so you have to "go to the bathroom" and run
away? I had two of those, and a couple others that I just called it a
very early night and went home. One was after an hour. ha I guess
guys can't do that as well... or can they? I don't know, I've never
gotten "the ditch".
Tuesday should be great, I love Humber nights at Yuk Yuk's, as long
as my ex isn't performing. It would be kind of cruel to rub a date in
his face, even though that isn't what I'd be doing... I just hate
making people uncomfortable. He's already upset I want to go to the
fake prom thing with you, he originally asked me to go.
I have my fingers crossed that he's not on, because I like going, so
he'll let me know tonight or tomorrow if he's on or not. Either way,
I'm sure we'll find something to do. Maybe hook you up to a coffee IV
if you're still tired. And patios are fun, ever been to the green
room? I know some pretty neat places too. If we're in the Queen W
area we can always go to cafe crepe before or after Yuk Yuk's.
I have a bit of running around to do, cleaning and all that fun
stuff... hate it. You're lucky to have a smal space, less to clean!
xo
Mary-Anne
-By the way, the microwave association told me to congratulate you on
your new kitchen, and send you this link. LOL
http://www.microwaveassociation.org.uk/recipes/index.htm
----------------------------------------
On 7-Aug-06, at 7:32 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I wouldn't of stayed if I didn't want to, no hard feelings, I have
plenty of
years after living to sleep. As for internet creeps, I can't
relate. I only
met one person on the internet, and as far as I can tell she is
both genuine
and wonderful. Maybe you can meet her someday.
Yes, I am trouble, please keep your eyes on me.
I haven't moved into my micro chasm yet so I'm still living in my
dirty
mansion. Instead of cleaning everyones messes, I will leave it for
them.
Unfortunately this means you will never get to see my current
residence. It is
so filthy I'm ashamed.
I got to MC a poetry reading yesterday up on St. Clair. a freind of
mine from
school runs it and when I got up there he asked if I would, so I
said, "sure."
It wasn't a dream gig, but it did allow me to be introduced to
other poets and
share some of my work.
Tomorrow morning I have a shoot for Burberry, a paid gig I do
believe. Hello
free money, daddy needs a new pair of shoes. (it's true, i really
need a new
pair of shoes). Ive been working on my new look, it's kind of
smirkish, I call
it, "I can't believe your paying me for my image" It is hard to
master because
I have to stifle my laughter behind it.
Green Room, good call, that place is sweet. Or crepes sound good.
We can
figure it out tomorrow. Thanks for the microwave recipe guide by
the way, no
offence to the microwave Association, but hopefully I don't have to
live of
nuked food for long. My birthday is in October and I'll ask for hot
plates or
a crock pot from my folks; mmmm...crockpot beef and taters with gravy.
I'll call later this evening or already have
xox
Ike
p.s. As for ditching girls on dates, guys can do it just as well.
Usually it
is less ducking out the back and more direct expression of distaste
for the
situation, sort of a "no hard feelings, but no". If that doesn't
work, "No,
Fuck off," comes into play. Cold, most definitely, but honest.
-----------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Ah, good evening Lord Byron!
After taking the aspirin and then some, I tucked myself into bed and
paged through your writing. You have a very unique approach to poetry
and I now wish I could speak German. Even a teeny bit.
My interview went very well, you know a guy there named... umm..
Adam? Something like that. He DJ's at Insomnia, I talked to him for a
bit. Nice guy. Anyways, I hope I get the job, I'll find out tomorrow.
*fingers crossed*
I'm still pretty sore, I'm such a suck when I'm sick, all I do is
drink ginger ale, wallow in self pity, and sleep. I have class
tomorrow, lucky me... so I hope I can sleep well.
I liked seeing you, it was such a nice surprise, and you are a
sweetheart. And thanks for not telling me I looked like death warmed
over even though, let's face it, I did/do right now.
I can't wait to see you this weekend.
I should crawl back into bed... I'm watching Austin Powers. lol. It's
the "zip it" part, "oh look, I'm zippy long stockings..." ha ha Classic.
xo
Mary
-------------------------------------------------
On 10-Aug-06, at 2:04 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I suggest many aspirin with my poetry, that way it flows as openly as the wine
that spawned it. Deutsch ist nicht schwere zu lerne, ich dich kann ein bischen
lehrer. (German is not hard to learn, I You can a little teach).
Yeah Adam, that was the guy I was mentioning before hand. He's a card. Hope
you got the job. Work is great to complain about.
Death warmed over? If death looked that good, suicide would beat out tobacco
for estimated annual deathszipit
I better get to bezip
catch all the sleep I can tomorit
xoxoxoxoxzipit
Ike
P.s.zippity do da zippityzipit
JOHNSON!!
------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Hey cutie, thanks for the jello. I had some before I fell asleep last
night and read a bit of the war of the worlds. It's really well
written, but now it's hard not to imagine Tom Cruise (crazy bastard)
in it when I picture the narrator... movies really can ruin good
books... or at least ruin the imagination.
xo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
Hey Doll,
Missing a second day of classes. It half makes me feel guilty... more than half. I
have no idea why because if I strain myself I get sicker... and end up missing more days.
I'm just tired of it, and no matter how many compliments, I can't wait to feel better and
be a picture of health.
I hope I get the job too, partially for something to do, and partially due to my spending
habits. I tend to medicate myself with shopping, and boy, does this girl like her
medication.
I'm surprised over how much of a mess I can make in a span of a few days. A pile of
dishes and a river of laundry later... I'll have to tackle that today. Just wait until
you get to experience laundry mat subculture... But that is if I can drag myself out of
the bathtub for more than three hours at a time.
ha hazipit
We need to rent austin powers sometime... or a better movie once I figure out which of my
favorites you have not yet seen.
xo
Mary-Anne
------------------------------------------------------------
On 11-Aug-06, at 11:23 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I wanted to see war of the worlds sometime, both the original and the remake,
and judge who held closer to the book, and if the changes worked and were well
executed. If you want to see a bad tom cruise film watch "The Last Samuria."
I hope your feeling better and were able to make it to school today. How about
the job, any news?
I figure I am out of work by 5:30 tomorrow, then I must run a small errand,
and can pick you up at 7 (Sorry, no limo, but I can carry you the whole way).
Can't wait to see your dress, though your quite lovely anything you wear (yes,
even glasses). I know a place that sells perogie fries, or heaven hoping you
have something better in mind. Thought about goldfish, but it has gold right
in the name, kilgores is for tea grannies, paupers is sorta like kelseys, Mels
is breakfasty, Green room, maybe? The perogie fries are at the tap/las
iguanas, It's pretty dive, but in that same right, it's pretty. Or maybe
sushi? Markham Street has some good finds and so does harbord. Ever been to
hemingways?, by the time I stop thinking of options It will be time for work.
I have to get to bed to look dashing for my hot date(you) tomorrow.
I better stop flirting, It is way to cheesy typed in front of my eyes like
this, like a hug on the phone or a virtual kiss. we should write letters.
Sweet dreams,
ox
Ike
P.S. postscript and emails, I haven't sent it, I could go back and add it.
P.S.S.XOXO
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Here's hoping you won't hate me! I'm going to give you a call
later,
but I'm going to have to cancel our movie date. I just have a
ton of
stuff around my apartment that have to get done before my sister
gets
down tomorrow, and there is actually more I need to study for my
test, also tomorrow, than I originally thought.
But, since I miss you a lot, here is what I propose.
Tomorrow, when you are done work and tired and hungry, we should
take
my sister (whose name is Margret by the way, so I can stop
calling her
"my sister") to the green room. We can all sit, eat, talk... it
will
be a lot of fun. OR we can go to Tortilla flats on Queen. I love
that
place. Very good guacamole.
So, let me know, call me or I will call you... again, please
don't be
mad. There is just no way I can study with you here, the sexy
distraction that you tend to be. : )
Friday night? Please? Pretty please?
Oh, and I accepted a job at Spring Rolls on Young street, now I
am no
longer un-employed...booo....
xo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
Hi! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages, even though I saw you yesterday... but here I
am, cleaning my apartment and doing homework. I'll probably step out later to lug laundry
to the laundrymat... exciting, I know. Just wait until you live all by yourself, its
worse, because when things get messy you have no one to blame. Add two pets to the
equation... I just can't let it get that far! ha ha And wow those steps outside are a
losing battle... I'll have to come up with some solution.
So I was thinking maybe thursday you would like to come over, and we can watch a movie or
something. I have class friday and can't have that late a night, but let me know. I'll
make popcorn! I know you are just ITCHING to watch Saw and see what all the buzz is
about. My little sister is coming down this weekend, and if you have any time off, we
should all go to the green room together. Let me know what you think.
xoxo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
I actually liked the movie, but only as one of those "unplug your brain" movies, because
there was just so so much wrong with it that if you think about it too much... well, you
get a migraine. As for the last Samurai, it was long.... it wasn't by far the worst TC
movie EVER though. There are worse... like, ummm.... Top Gun? Have you ever seen Hostel?
Saw?
I'm not even sure how long me e-mails take to get to you. It is now 5:51 Saturday. ha ha
Maybe you will get this sunday night after having a TERRIBLE time with me. If that's even
possible.
I like the green room, it's close to me... close to you... close to Lee's... and yes,
very pretty.
I can't wait to see you.
I'm a terrible dancer, I must warn you, I'm going to step on your feet.
I miss you...
Mary-Anne
-----------------------------------------------------------------
On 17-Aug-06, at 6:53 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Congrats on the job. Hope your hissy fitting, exacerbated
professor who has
not yet come to the realization that you can only punish the
guilty
party. But
he and the dean must of laughed together after the decision to
through this
load down as punishment for the poor idiots treason to the masters
skill of
teaching. "Those who can do, those who can't teach", those who go
through life
repeating this homage never learn much in the end. Your teachers
rebuttal to
his indignation is strong, past the point of repugnancy. I find it
exorbitant
to constrain a whole class of individuals, whose lifes are no
longer the
absent minded childhood of mothers cooking and Christmas. Their
Lives could
hang in the balance of paychecks, cleverly allotted hours and money
to allow a
basic standard of living while mommy is at school. Lives hang in
the very
brink of this man... a bit dramatic, perhaps. Realistically every
one will
deal with it, for better or worse. If the jackass gets Less then
you on the
exam tomorrow, I figure it is fair time you lay a monologue on the
little
shit. Again, dramatic, but it will put you on the professors good
side
forever. hhmmm. something along these lines maybe:
Mary-anne:
Look at me
That Jerk:
Huhh
Mary-Anne:
Shut up(spoken quickly), look at this, not everyone can be as
smart
as me, but
no one has the right to be ignorant of other people as you. To
call
this mans
class a joke is to belittle the faith that the less fortunate have
in the
teachers ability to make them efficient law clerks, or Paralegals.
To push the
teacher into having to deliver more work, was an act of malice
against other
peoples lives, maybe your spare time you spend playing nintendo
and
eating
mothers home cooked food, maybe you want to be busier to avoid
something of a
qualm in your relationships.(pause)"breathe."1".."2" Shut up
(spoken
quickly)I
don't want to jump to conclusions on your character, but if you do
not learn
compassion, it will probaly land you a concussion. Shut up(again
sharp and
quick)This is not a threat, this is a warning for your personal
betterment,
merely a quote I gleaned off an email from a very sad man who
didn't get to
eat pocorn and watch a movie with me last night.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, well it needs a little work, but I figure the character will
be no
problem. Public humiliation counts for alot, the pen is truly a
mightier sword
in school. The teacher does his job as he is told and though his
deliverance
was rude to the class, he still will accomplish the ends of
dismantling the
coward ass in the back of the class. If you push things forward to
the other
side and are first to dismantle this time bomb from his
illusionary
glory,
instead of blaming the effect, effectively blaming the cause, as
seems to be
the real quo. A public verbal incision, could only lend to earning
the respect
of your classmates, I mean certainly this prepackaged monologue
will not
suffice in real time.
But this is the defense of the teachers case,
and all evidence is prevelent, that this may make you smile.
Call you tomorrow, or can stop down with a book and a bar of soap
at 10
tonight.
Just text "YES" to 647-833-1894
kidding??
xox
Ike
------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
If you keep making fun of my job mister, there will never be any
free
phone sex in your future...
LOL!
xo
Mary
---------------------------------------------------
On 20-Aug-06, at 8:48 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
WHAT??? that was out of left field. I made fun of your job??? I'm
Foncused,
Hapsper you mistaken me have for another?? or perhaps I
inadvertently did. No
hard feelings, I'll talk to you later.
sincerely foncused,
xoxo
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Ha ha ha... Oh my god, I sent this like, three or four nights ago, I
guess it didn't get to you until now. Anyways, I was just kidding
silly.
On my way to work.
xoxo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
On 21-Aug-06, at 12:10 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Hey sweetie,
I got today off, so if you wanna go to high park and relax, or the
island, or
the beach, it's such a nice day. Ice Cream??? Give me a ring.
How was work?
xo
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Awww I just got this now. I'm so so tired.... wait, forget this, I'm
calling you for a bit. Because I miss you.
xo
Mary-Anne
-------------------------------------------------------
On 22-Aug-06, at 9:18 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Mary,
Thanks for calling last night. It was nice talking to you before bed. If you
are going to go get your blood tested, The place I went, which was quick and
convenient was Downtown Doctors. They are located right beside Tim Hortons at
Bloor and Spadina, room 205. They are confidential, clean, and the longest
wait I have ever incurred was half an hour. They are open Mon- Fri untill 6pm
and are free, all you need is a health card and I.D.. Results are returned
within 2 weeks, however HIV takes three months to develop to the point it can
be discovered, but I wouldn't worry to much on that one, as you said, the
demographic is all wrong.
I have to get ready for work so I'll end short.
Best of luck with everything, I know your fully capable.
kisses and a hug
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------------
good morning sexy. i'm so so tired, school all morning and working all night is killing
me! i'm glad next week should be less hectic... i'm going crazy not being able to see
you. :(
i'm going to get tested today. i know i shouldn't worry much, but i do. it's a scary
thing! as for three months, that's why I'm going now because it's been three months since
I first slept with Ajay. Demographic or not... white people get HIV, I can't comfort
myself with that one.
Let me know you are, how work is, and any exciting and fun things you've been up to. I'm
so bored, and I know this is going to be another long day...
xoxo
(I miss you)
Mary-Anne
------------------------------------------------
On 26-Aug-06, at 4:05 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Mary, here is a copy of the letter which i have sent to
ajay
this
evening, I
know I may be over my bounds, but I do not care. I have
been
passive much to
long. It was due time it was said.
STOP STALKING YOUR EX GIRLFREIND
I said it, Ex. You fucked it up, you fucked around. so
please, I
ask this
politely with the utmost sincerity, fuck off. If you loved
her you
wouldn't of
pulled all this shit on her. All you love is yourself and
your own
interests.
Do your blonde or whoever was (is) on the side; but
step off
her. I
ask this
kindly as one gentleman to you. She is a beautiful soul,
and
that
you would
continuously trample, calling at 2AM to ramble about
what a
loser
you are,
only shows you lack dignity and self respect. She deserves
better
then you,
and you have proved this through your actions. I write
this
of my
own accord,
as someone who cares for her and is tired of hearing your
name. If
you have
problems, go see a counselor. Do not place the weight of
your
emotional waste
on her shoulders. It is unfair and disgusting. Again I
hope
this
doesn't fall
on deaf ears, if there is a next time, this will be much
louder.
I am sorry I used information you made privy to me in
confidence,
however it
is only fair that I as the third in this game should
take a
stand
for what I
believe in. I believe in you. This is not macho fronting,
this is
how I feel.
Men become infatuated easily, I too have fallen prey
many of
times,
but in you
there is no game, what I feel for you is unbridled
affection
with
subtle
undertones of lust.
I have to wake in 4 hours, so good morning, i hope your
day
goes
alright, and
that Ajay heeds my plea.
XOXOXO
Ike
-----------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Ike you had absolutely no right to do that. None at all.
---------------------------------------------------------
On 26-Aug-06, at 5:37 PM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Dear Mary-Anne,
I didn't mean for the letter to hurt you. I am a
passionate person,
sometimes I step over my bounds to pursue what I believe
to be
fair. I cannot
apologize for how I feel. I care about you, and am tired of
you
being
constantly harassed. No statement in the letter is false to
the
best of my
knowledge, and at no time do I lay stake to you, or lay
pretenses
which could
be obscured. The vulgar language may be over dramatic, for
this,
and this
alone, will I apologize. If you cannot forgive my error in
judgment, for
crossing lines that, in afterthought, I should of left in
your
hands, then I
am sorry. Sorry that you will spend the rest of your life
selling
yourself
short, on men who cannot respect your natural beauty. Sorry
you
will find boys
who are nothing but pricks. Honestly, to me you are still a
stranger, but no
lady deserves that.
Or maybe, I am the fool, rushing where angels fear to tred.
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Your refusal to apologize is pretty much a refusal to respect
me, to
respect my life, and I know you mean well but you shouldn't.
Because
I'm not worth it. Because I can't fall in love with you, I
refuse to
ever let myself get hurt again, I locked up my heart and I
have no
idea where I put the key... and I make decisions that will
hurt
you.
I'm sorry Ike. You deserve much better than me. You're
beautiful,
you're gentle, you're thoughtful, you're brilliant... and I'm
everything that can drain the color from your cheeks, the
sparkle
from your eye and the smile from your face.
Maybe it will be better if you are given the job in New York.
Maybe you will be better off to forget all about me.
I never wanted to hurt you, but I know I did now.
Mary-anne
--------------------------------------------------------
On 28-Aug-06, at 8:37 AM, ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I don't believe you are not worth it, because you are. If you
wonder how I
know this, it is you bring out the best in me, with you I can
be me
with full
sincerity. You are a good soul trapped in a bind, I
understand,
there were
other girls before I knew you. You are the best one I have
never
met, you
spoke of the branch of your love and the drama of your
anger and
frustration,
but these things I never experienced, I experienced your
sickness,
your broken
heart, and always wished the clouds would fade, that we may
sit in
the sun
some day. So I nuked a cloud. My aim was high, but it lacked
good
tactic. Now
this mushroom cloud. So I thought about the weather, how times
changes
everything. Clouds move slowly across the sky, constantly
shifting,
building
and disappaiting. No man has the might to control the weather,
and
trying to
change what is natural, can only lead to discomfort.
I love your style and mind, and that you understand, I love
your
rationality
and comprehension. You are a dream I never woke up to. You
were a
dream that
kept me awake. The sparkle in my eyes and the grace of my
face
were mirrors
of the true warmth of your soul you could not hide. So I'm
going to
New york,
to model, and patiently smith keys.
Ike
We'll meet again, Beautiful Freind, some sunny day
-----------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
You're leaving....
Maybe that's for the best. Maybe you'll find someone better.
I'll miss you.
Mary-Anne
--------------------------------------------------------------
On 28-Aug-06, at 6:02 PM, ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
You are the best you I never got to know. I can't change your
world, only time
can, I have accepted this, as a child accepts a needle. It
hurts,
but it is
the only way.
I'll miss you too.
ike
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
Well, then I guess this is goodbye. Have fun in New York.
Mary-Anne
--------------------------------------------------------------------
On 29-Aug-06, at 12:04 AM, ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I'll be back
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
I know you will. I just can't promise I'll be yours when you
return,
in any way other than your friend. A month is a long time, and I
have
trust issues. I've been burned before. And this is so early on
between us, that I'm not sure this absence is one I can withstand.
Mary-Anne
---------------------------------------------------------------------
On 31-Aug-06, at 7:16 PM, ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Trust issues, I still trust you even though twice, it has been
ungrounded. I
trust you because you have been honest with me however, that you
are base
enough in reality when you do something you realize it has effect
on others. I
have never been as burned as by you, and still I want you. You are
a rose,
your thorns are sharp, and how they make my hands bleed, but you
are still a
beautiful natural flower and I want you to see this, to help you
find the
beauty beneath your petals, that no bee could violate. I am not
wonderful, or
magnificent, I simply try. If you try, devil may care where you
land. Respect
yourself though, you only get one. If I can find it in my heart to
love you
even after what has happened, you can surly find it in yourself to
love
yourself. You don't have to promise yourself to me when I am gone,
but will
you please be mine well we can. And please love yourself, don't do
anything
that makes you feel guilty, if you do, You can confess to me. It
will hurt me,
but I am strong, I'll be your bridge over troubled waters.
I finished moving in today, god I need a massage, my arms are shot.
Hope you can make it tomorrow night.
ike
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Mary-Anne Omellette :
I don't want you to go. I'm not blaming you... but I think I did it
because I knew he would be here when you were gone, and I felt that
you were abandoning me in the beginning of something I felt was so
special... and I didn't want to lose you, so I tried to throw you
away instead.
It was stupid of me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 1-Sep-06, at 2:51 PM, ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
Dear Mary-Anne,
I understand this completely, I have had abandonment issues for a
very long
time, from my parents, to my dog, to my best friends and well,
almost everyone
I have ever known i have felt to have left me at one time or
another. Know
that as long as I tread the earth, you have a place in my heart.
Know that no
matter how wretched you feel, no matter how lost or scared or
scarred, I will
not abandon you. Even if I cannot hold your hand and look in your
eyes, be it
success or failure which divide us, I will be here, in cyberspace
or on the
telephone. I don't want to leave either, it tears me that this
opportunity
which I accepted, would come at the same time I have finally found
someone so
in tune with myself. But the cost of dreams is high, and we both
know this
opportunity does not come everyday or to everyone. I consider myself
fortunate, even though it pains me to show gratitude to this beast
that would
tear me from your arms and set my body to marketplace. The
conflicts I have
with the whole modeling situation could fill a battle field, or
perhaps a
courtroom. I could be on a path to glory, or setting myself up for
an ultimate
letdown, however, I cannot know unless I try.
I will remain true to myself through thick and thin, If I am honest
with
myself, I can trust myself; in respecting myself, I will be able to
offer
compassion to others. In loving myself, the love I offer will be
pure. You
have become a part of me, and I extend this branch to you, that
though it may
bend or sway, it will be alive.
I am glad you find what we have together is special, I was
beginning to worry
I was the only one who felt it.
Only trash can be thrown away, I am not shaken so easily. It
doesn't make me a
weaker man to accept you into my arms after. Mistakes are made without
malicious intent, this is not the end, but certainly an interesting
beginning.
Please text me R.S.V.P. before five, so I can buy the wine and
cheese before
the stores close. If you cannot make it tonight, please tell me
when it would
be convenient for you.
Yours,
ike
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quoting Marry-Anne Omelette :
I am working tonight, I won't be able to make it. I think I work
until 11pm.
When are you leaving?
Why do you still want to see me? It's going to be so hard when you go.
Stop making me fall for you. And stop teasing me with things I can't
have. The idea of being with you, of being your girlfriend, or
falling asleep in your arms, is a dream. And when I wake up, you
would be worlds away. Why is that not hard for you?
----------------------------------------------------------
On 2-Sep-06, at 9:53 AM, Ike.Jefferson@utoronto.ca wrote:
I don't know when, or if for certain I am leaving, this all is not cast in
stone, merely speculation. I fell asleep just down the street from you last
night as i have for the past month. Carpe Diem, save tonight. What is harder
for me is that your so worried about the future you are afraid of now. I know
the future may lead us to other places, but well I am here I want to share it
with you, and if I do go away, then it is at your discretion whether you lay
and long for me, or go out with whatever makes you happy. You can have me no
matter where I lay my head.
The wine and cheese and strawberries are still fresh and I own the movie, so
it can still be a magic evening, i want to share it with you. Without you the
wine is just sour grapes and the cheese just moldy milk.
I still want to see you because you to me are the greatest feeling I know. I
don't want to tease you with things you can't have, I want to offer you all I
can.
Yours,
Ike
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm just on my way out... I work a double shift this evening so I doubt I will want to go
out... I know you understand my fears and want to comfort me... we will talk about this,
I promise, but for now I need to go.
Yours,
Mary-Anne
THE END
(the wine to young, the strawberries sweet, the cheese refined)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Poems.
-------------
Day 2
I dont know
it was your eyes
like a prismatic view of your soul
honesty like a bundle of heaven
wrapped in smoke.
it gave me a feeling
my heart cant forget.
I look into your eyes,
i get the ashes but i sneeze and there all gone,
just you and me and nobody.
If the city weren't evil,
and you weren’t to old,
or married,
i would like to
maybe play by your fire
and quench your every desire.
in my arms i find you
your eyes around me
eye stare in glut
And thank the lord you finally found me
and thank him more your not a slut.
Kids a plenty one
a house thats ours to call a home
a long happy marriage that ends when i
i dont know
finally succumb to lung cancer.
make sure you raise her to be nice like you.
I dont know
it was your eyes.
kiss me again.
--------------------------------------------
Day 3
I am the man
that spits on your garbage.
I lay slugs on your grave
and they eat through the dying petals
of your daffodils and marigolds
one by one.
I lay slugs on your grave
5ive shots i didn't need
and a sixth empty cartridge
still hot
i lay it on your face
and it burns through your skin
a scar the undertaker can't erase.
I lay slugs on your grave,
after they are thick and juicy
of devouring the offerings beauty
i take them and fry them in a pan
there in the cemetery
with a little coalman stove,
cook them black
and eat them with swigs of absinth between mouthfuls
cursing at your granite stone and the cold night all the same.
I am the man
who spits on your garbage.
----------------------------------
Day 4
I looked into her cleavage
when her eyes had so much wonder
21st century Neanderthal
I'm lonely
no wonder.
I could be sweet and speak sweet
but honestly I'm so sickly sweet
I'm rotten
and no one wants just another grape
in there chardonnay.
This is the price a man must pay
for honesty
in this modest age
of modern love, to be or not to be
all in the lens of what the people see.
If I had invented fire
or accomplished anything
with a merit of paper
with a sign i was there,
then i would stand
on two feet like a man
an oyster world
full of pearls
with mysteries to delve into and unfurl.
Mysteries like her eyes
how they surprise me
till I surmise
to a state of unworthy
because the eyes are unearthly
and i feel unhealthy
because the only wealth I see
in me
is in my eyes
which to no suprise
Merits no rise to the purveyors
or the casual passerbys.
because in eyes are lies untold
waiting for the foul breath to unfold
the unfortunate truth
I am a boy
and this is my youth.
------------------------------------------
day 5
I said you were pretty
your friend said you were beautiful
I looked into your eyes
to my surprise i could see it all.
There is a sensuous self
You cant dissolve in your time and place
Even a thousand failures the blood cant erase
and im torn and wasted
all these words are pasted
to the top of my dry mouth
A repulsive distaste
but none can take your place
and for all the mistakes and heartaches
who must i answer
but me my own master
well hearts left behind
left behind
but times
that will everlast in my mind.
lemon rind
i have to go to bed
work tommora, no sorra
------------------------------------
Day 6
In the morning fog
I found you on a silent street
The street lights cast shadows
across your eyes.
Your high cheek bones and your pursed lips
I say something,
you smile,
My heart melts
A tranquility runs through my veins
incomparable.
Like no drug or alcohol
I am filled with such euphoria
standing there with you
in the silent fog
and street lights.
I pull you close and press my mouth into yours.
your warm nose presses soft against mine
your lips are soft
wet with your sweet taste
I die and am reborn
In our mutual affection
I look in your eyes
I see the reflection of street lights
I see the sun rises and sets
of a life time.
Entranced.
And like the wind
you wisp away
silently.
----
Day 7
There is something dead in my magic
A lacking aspect
I need a lover
To romance.
Life is hard, not tragic
So much prospect
I need another
to feel complete.
As it turns out
we burn out
continuing to churn out
a low moan.
I need a kiss and a massage
familiar lips
familiar hands
to hold.
Something dead in my charm
As if I can't care
I need a hope
A slow dance.
To try would surely do me no harm
Alive to share
I must learn to cope
If I'm to compete.
As it turns out
we burn out
Throw another log on
because i'm not gone
coming back strong
ready for a road ahead
one day I'll ditch the shoes of lead
Meet her
Treat her
Marry Her
Bury her.
I'm young
Hung up by the wrists
the blood from my fingers
drains
till I forget what pain is
And happiness but a dream at the end of the endurance
in all hopes that my perseverance will lead me
to a successful place in life.
----------------------------
Day 8
The mirror is brutally honest
It holds nothing inside
cracked or broken
each fragment
A reflection of its complete reality.
What it shows you
runs backwards
before your mind.
Your eyes perceive depth.
What it shows is an image reversed
Not a Picture divine.
It is a painted glass.
But we look at it
as if it were some magic sayer
It tells you all you want to hear.
Just by your front layer
Your feelings are decided.
Glass and its properties
The outside world
The inside world
from the needle vile
to the computer tube.
Broken glass on the cold morning sidewalk
I hear it crush under my shoes
and I smile
A break in at the house of mirrors
To look in the window is to see your world broken
Your fragmented self in horror of the sharded mess
serrated edges and smooth
reflections
fight for your attention
And I love your eyes
Because I saw a piece of me
I would like to see
again and again
to know your mind brew
And know you
in more then 2-D
Kiss me again please.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Day 9
Some where in the pool of my mind
I drowned an awful death
and nothing but this shell I am
was left behind
Some how I've left myself behind
tortured my taste
eating only the rind
And I scorn a face I can't leave behind
so jaded without age
so careless I leave it all behind.
Maybe some sin
would give me second wind
but the pain is never worth the pleasure
so to romance and day dream ideology I stay tethered
The truth is that I know the pleasure is worth its pain
I see the sleazy hollow men
prove it again and again
I am young and lustful
but to full of spite
the day is breaking and I'm still saying goodnight
I need to wake up and shake of this trite confusion
Obviously and obtuse illusion succeeding me
Holding me against my will and to my will in the same breath i am omnipotent and insignificant and a Orator that mumbles
A comedian without punchlines
a writer without a point
words strung listless as my body
solid mass taped to a chair and all these words are weightless and hold no gravity
but depraved of my right to rave would and does leave me with a gap in my sanity
I sing loud and hope no one understands me
and yet
and yet
like always
the pain of being lonely
drives me to want you only
whether your eyes or your thighs
your mind or your carnal treasures
I don't know whether I want to sit or be sadistic
and logistically I'm over thinking everything
until I am at a lack of anything.
So many elements at hand
the cold crosses the land and i am looking for someone to hold my hand
Foncusion
I want to time it and make it perfect
but without a goal
there is no time
I feel like a lime
out of place in a discriminate land
accepted but rejected because i want to be
maybe it is just me
there are better fruit at the top of the tree
but I've been hanging from the bottom branches listlessly
Falling in love with every eye that bats a lash at me
I need to get a back bone and get my life going
Worry about the work now
then worry about my greedy groin
(you'd be greedy to if you were so underfed)
Get my shit together, put it in a box and burn it all
Socialize and mesmerize
Without a past to recall
like a plane crashing
the wind of going down
makes my engine stall
as the ground comes closer we are all so small.
And I never write
they never call
Things will only work out if i work
nothing is free and easy
and you have to take the cake
if you want just desserts.
------------------------
Day 10
sitting in a comfortable chair
i dream
of stealing gasmasks
at the riot
sitting down
far from square
lounging in the chair
I dream i saw you there
You were choking on the fumes
Your eyes were red and full of fear
I killed the man beside me
I smashed his spine
Stole his mask for you
for you
for you
You smiled with the tears swollen in your eyes
I knew then
you were mine
So i pressed through the crowd
with you held to my breast
past the broken
past the police
past the guards
past the secret guards
I threw your bullet riddled corpse to the floor at his feet
I lifted my hands in a gun shape
I put my handgun to his head
i whispered softly in his ear
"bang, your dead."
Hear in my chair
without a care
It was all my plan
I knew then
that you believed
A warrior for a cause
not just amplitude
of the ruckus
you would be my chain
my bulldozer
my own two feet
A tool for use
As i lay you at his feet
With your dying breath you speak
one word
"Victoria"
the name of your unborn babe.
the sacrifice of revolution
is human lives.
How much would you sacrifice
to change what you
believe is not right
Are you noise or action.
-------------------------------------
Day 11
Day 11
To declare bankruptcy
I Do not sit or stand
I navigate through the lands with my heart on my sleeve
and the blood on my hands.
Day 11
do red roses
still hang in your window
pain.
Day 11
I don't know what to say
Will we see us as strangers
someday
I didn't want it
but it has me
sitting so far away.
Day 11
I'm sorry
for what I did and couldn't say.
My love for you,
misplaced in someone new.
how many
Times can I apologize
Day 11
let me count the ways
--------------------------------------------------------
day 12
I passed the buck,
I past it over,
its in your hands the change turns over.
A ball in your court;
to court or not to court
A romanticist .
with pleasures innumerable,
A smile laughing at future possibilities,
With a magnum tube of responsibilities.
I need to settle down
To settle down
But when your around
And I resound
In the hypnotic psycronsis
Your future:
Secure and vulnerable.
Your past:
Secure and vulnerable.
Your Present:
Is what you present
I smile at my glass because
I'm pleased to be
In your pleasant company
And I think your a beautiful kind of funny.
-------------------------------------------
Day 13
Save my soul
take full control
lay of the brakes
press the throttle
lets go go
Your in control.
push and shove
is this the modern love
where's give and take
When did we forsake
these beautiful values
why do we always want more.
For sure there is no cure
for this absurd greed
the more we touch
the less we need.
It's always This way
him and her
Such and such
more and more
and more
and more
surely no way
to run a good society.
Change my engine
make me run
touch the throttle with your thumb
tear me through gullies and over.
Feel the wind on your skin
as we float skin to skin.
It will always be this way
such and such
more and more
but your the girl I adore
I could say it in words but my heart says
so much more.
Play me at your pace
Everyone wins
when there is nothing to lose.
Your in control
I passed the buck
I passed the buck
I passed the buck.
-------------------------------
Day 14
Welcome to day 10
in the land of milk and cookies
i think i feel cramped by all these goodies.
welcome to the center
substamanical dyslisalical
I am your host
Dick,
Cock dick
It doesnt sound so bad in a james bon.....
and hey this poem is getting much to much!
to other topics
what did vou do today
why me
you see
i worked my tenth day,
A candle sits on my desk
beside the computer
A crack of light hinge of the door
as my keys they float beneath my eyes
it makes me laugh to see my fingers just exercise.
I look up and see my mouse has ran away
Then i go cold
the sugar in my stomach of my meal
my body suffers
i notice my mistakes in spelling
punctuation not so much
i love moantains and breast and vaginas
Don’t you
I don’t know
that’s still pretty weird
whatever
i really need to watch some porno or cartoons
it s more my soul that need to be reinspired by the wit of animators
writers of the simpsons
The simpsons
south park
and the first five minutes of the daily show where i fall asleep
five minutes in.
writting is dun and i say writting is fun, like a game to
be played among ewveryone
No im tired and sick
and i see what i've done
im notorious an editor writer built into one
i know the weight of gravity
in an enlightened cavity
but the simpsons are coming on
so i cant watch porn
till king a th' hill
============================
My friday night Name:IkE/2005
Date : 11 / 4
Time10 : 03Pm
Thank you and goodnight..
-----------------------------------------------
Day 15
The days are bright
and filled with pain.
- Jim Morrison
The Doors
crystal ship
he was talking about heroin
for certain
but drugs
although distorting reality,
can't really change
it.
I want a heroin
some sweet girl to sweep me off my feet before i become
embittered with the ordeal
swear my self into the breast of Abstinence
I want a heroin
one that i can kiss deep and long and have her
cry for more
Someone to love and adore
I have a romantic heart
in a town that doesn't care anymore.
I want a heroin
to pull so close our hearts beat in time
To miss and kiss
to trust and confide
to be truthful and honest with
I want a heroin
to love
be loved
to romance
to slow dance
to meals and trying to buy clothes
I want a heroin
to hold
to love her brave soul
Her courage and confidence
I sit there Eeyore
Tired, but in my head jangles caffeine vibrations
I think all I could be
If I wasn't me
What I would say
Just before i crushed my lips softly against yours
I want you heroin
Just shut me up and kiss me
What I am saying is not important
Don't read this part
please come over hear and press your lips to mine
please
my heroin
save me
I'm so hungry.
Stop reading and kiss me.
please.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special thanks goes to MICHAEL MUNZ, my friend, for technical support, My friends for their support You know who you are, and of course the ever superb MONKMANMEDIA for keeping me in the crew.
